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Treacherous Vengeful Calorific Imaginings…

24/07/2013

May the words – and images – speak for themselves and do what they will with you…

What’s for Afters?

Revenge is sweet,
they say..
But it was Karma Mousse
put ‘sweet’ on the menu.
Mess with this mousse
and you’ll be choosing
Comeuppance Pie for afters
at the next sitting.

What goes around comes around
you say..
So it is with a Lazy Susan
at your table.
The What-You-Sow-You-Reap Tart
is always served this way.
(Just remember:
tart means not-so-sweet..)

The proof will be in the pudding,
I say..
A drop of retribution makes
the Get-You-Back Gateau special:
you’ll get back what you put in!
That’s the spirit.

And these – some say –
are just desserts..

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The Fattening

She fed me soup and lies.
She baked such porkies
in her knife-edged pies.

I repaid the betrayals
with treacheries: syrup-laden,
golden.  Tate & Lyle’s.

Humiliation she packed
in my lunch box
beside a bruising apple.

My curses I coated
with dark chocolate –
topped with violets.

We grew fat on menace.

The surgeon-lawyer,
the midwife-vicar,
both advocated
a tea-and-sympathy
diet.

©  Luc(e) Raesmith

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Bring Out Your Banners: UK’s 1st Trans* Pride

21/07/2013

This week’s random text- & images-categorised post really is Qwe’re ArT
(And radically Trans*)… BRightonHzntl_20130716

The occasion: another hot and blue-skied day in the Seven Dials area of Brighton & Hove City. (An area that has surely overtaken the comparatively sleepy market town of Wellington, Somerset – home to QwesT FtM UK – as having the highest population of trans folk per square mile!) The venue: home of the Banner’s designer – complete with chirpy parakeet and coconut icepop…

FTMVertical_130716Being off-the-trolley in body – as well as in mind and spirit, it was with Pride this week that I looked on at my manageably-creative/created graphics work: the templates for – and the placings of – the letters of Trans* Female-toward-Male and GenderQueer terms on the FTMB RightOn Banner being made in preparation for the excitingly upcoming FTP: First Trans* Pride, UK – happening Right Here in ‘London-by-the-Sea’…7DialsFTMBSshot_2013-07-17

On heading home after 4+ hours of wrist-wrenching scissor work (cutting out said letters: in satiny material with iron-on sticky-back fabric)…

…a splendid (pollution-promoted) sunset was the backdrop to the 9pm-empty shopfronts that I captured on my trusty android mobile – all forming a satisfying foto-indexed mosaic…

Check out the Trans* Pride action in Brighton on the Facebook page…

https://www.facebook.com/TransPrideBrighton

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Retro Diary Enquiry: 13th June 2004

13/07/2013

RDEJuly2004_145645Got a memory shock this week – as I searched through my old diaries – to discover that I had stopped diary journalling for 10 years, rather than the 5 or 6 years in my recall…  So, decided to plump for the return-to-journalling diary after the big gap: the year is 2004, the diary an A5ish size beauty: the gorgeous Blue Dog art of George Rodrigue. (Do see his New Orleans gallery link below!)

So, on to the diary enquiry: this 13th July 2004 entry affords a few clues to my then ‘subdued’ trans nature.  The week preceeding that date, is also familiar in other ways to my experience now: then I was low and having to keep a record of my broken sleeping; now I’m coming down from hyper and having adrenalised-broken nights…  These days are Rosy Dog (if barking…) days, but back then the ‘K9’ mood was more of the Black Dog variety… (see Glossary for canine refs)

http://georgerodrigue.com/

With hindsight reflections, I realise that I was writing differently in that ‘lost’ 10 year period; that was the time when I embarked upon creative prose/poetry/proems writing with various groups.  But in June 2004 I was concentrating on visual art creativity and had just completed a year-long, part-time art course where text was featuring in my graphics.

RDE13704_220757-2

diary entry: 13.07.04

On that Tuesday of minimal journalling in 2004, it seems that I volunteered myself, at a Steering Committee Meeting to support women with as-then-known Manic Depression (I had only had my own bi-polar diagnosis for 11 months at that point), to perform some creative writing word at an upcoming event.  Perhaps a clue to my androgyne / transintersexual nature then is in the fact that I became increasingly anxious about my proems performance at a women’s celebratory event and backed out of both appearing and attending close to the date…  This was yet another example of my finding myself shying away from and retiring from women-only happenings – but without an obvious notion of why… (most dramatic in my mind was my inability to get myself to Greenham Common Women’s Peace Camp in the 1980s).

TzolkinTwins_0598More interestingly to me… on the art course I had painted (a rare medium for me) a ‘self portrait’ based on the Mayan Tzolkin numbering system and featuring an image of myself with my twin as foetus.  Perhaps in the summer 2004 a year had passed since I finally realised that I had ‘lost’ my twin – a brother – at foetal stage (after many hints over 15 years or so from varied therapeutic bodyworkers of ‘traces’ of foetal trauma evident in my physionomy – plus a few clues in my own behaviour and thinking).

Since being ‘out’ as andro and chatting with other Trans* folk, we have discussed the possibility of ‘foetal lone twin syndrome’ being a cause of transgenderism ideation.  I had certainly not known before 2003 that it was quite common for two eggs to be fertilised in the uterus but for only one to survive, and the other to be not miscarried but absorbed into the uterus – and, presumably, also into the other surviving and developing foetus… Back in those early Noughties then I was thinking that my sense of dual genderedness was due (merely) to a conscious grieving (at last) of my ‘long lost twin brother’…

More anon: another diary, another date…

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The Original ‘Off The Trolley Production’…

03/07/2013

Off one’s trolley is well defined in the Cassell Dictionary of Slang (Jonathon Green): phr [late 19C+] crazy, eccentric… etc, plus goes on to explain the derailing of electric trolley cars in Manhattan…  [‘Off the Trolley’ is also the title of a 1919 American short comedy film featuring Harold Lloyd.]

Colloquially, in English English, ‘off one’s trolley’ connotates to having lost your marbles in a mentalist kind of way – but for me to appropriate OTT (Off The Trolley) is-&-was also appropriate to myself as the Trolley Tranny (see More than a regular hoppa shopper… post)
Off the Trolley Artworks

Off the Trolley Artworks

Fittingly, then, I borrowed the phrase to collectively name my creative productions as of 10.10.10 – World Mental Health Day, 10th October, 2010.  For that occasion, I was, by surprise, able to exhibit some of my artworks – fashioned [mainly] in the Noughties – in the Roundhouse Cafe on Dartington Hall Estate, nr Totnes in Devon. (The Tranny Trolley was indeed the mode of conveyance of said artworks into the cafe / gallery premises.)

The exhibition was hung in collaboration with a 24hr radio broadcast by  community SoundArt Radio (operating also out of the Dartington Hall Estate) which ‘went out’ (via online streaming and FM airwaves)  for the duration of 10.10.10 under the title of ‘Unsane Rhapsody’: a celebration / recognition of all that is implied by ‘mental health issues’… (Some films – on the theme of ‘Unsanity’ – were also screened in the Barn Cinema, adjacent to the Roundhouse Cafe, during the week surrounding 10.10.10)

http://www.soundartradio.org.uk/projects/unsane-rhapsody/

SoundArt Radio was also linked with the inspirational community Radio La Colifata airing from the grounds of a psychiatric hospital in Buenos Aires – which has been filmed in action plus being supported by international-renowned ‘world music’ artist, Manu Chao.

http://es.wikipedia.org/wiki/LT22_Radio_La_Colifata

The images below of the artworks in the OTT exhibition are ‘off the trolley’ in the photographic sense: bad lighting, flash reflective, weird angled, bumpy yellow wall backdropped, 3 megapixelated Nokia phone shot, etc… (Mexico’s Frida Kahlo is featured…)

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If you care to read more… the following is the blurb that accompanied the exhibition: the creative process linked to mental health and gender exploration issues:

Off the Trolley Artworks: The pieces in this exhibition represent artwork that I have produced over the last fifteen years. My ‘practice’ is sporadic and functions in the main to produce objects that add colour to my living spaces. Some pieces (‘Service’, ‘Animated Exeter’, ‘Homage to FK’ and two felted ones) have been created as coursework projects whilst attending access, adult education or return-to-work art and craft courses. My life experience has been ‘coloured’ by mental health challenges. The earliest created piece here, ‘Spiralling into Now’ directly expresses a continued journeying between grey, low periods and brighter, more ‘up’ times. My employment (and education) history has been a chequered affair due to 40+ years of living with depression and anxiety. With resulting low income, my artworks have of necessity been assembled from free – or minimal cost – found, broken or recycled objects. This creativity is both sustaining and sustainable! Many transgendered persons, including myself, have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder prior to gender transitioning; the mental health diagnosis serves to validate the individuals’ gender dysphoria that is currently classified by consultant psychiatrists working within gender identity clinics. It has frequently been a compulsion of mine to feature an interplay of grid and circular ‘lines’ in my work. With hindsight I have recognized that I was expressing my dual-gendered nature – as an androgyne who is ‘electively hermaphroditic’ – in this interplay of archetypal male rectangles and squares alongside female circles and spirals. The choice of media represents a similar juxtaposition by the ‘yin and yang’ of the materials: flexible textiles, leather and paper against rigid plastics, glass and metals, etc. Off the Trolley productions: artworks, creative writing and performance – including recording and broadcasting for Soundart Radio’s 10/10/10 ‘Unsane Rhapsody’ – are conscious actions responding to life’s tragi-comic paradox(es); are positive efforts to stay (un)sane in an increasingly insane world.

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Not A-verse to Suicide…

19/06/2013
  • Trigger Warning: this post is about what it says in the title…220px-Stephen_Fry_cropped
  1. Suicide is in the British news because celebrity Stephen Fry has gone public about trying to take his own life last year.  He has long been a mentalists champion (at least in BiPd circles) since he presented a TV documentary on BiPolar Disorder.  [Some of us have wondered when he fits in time to be non-function-ally high or low??]
  2. (see Glossary Category post)
  3. I’ve been a fan of Stephen Fry’s acting & presenting for decades; his portrayal of a GP in Ben Elton’s series ‘Happy Families’ (with Jennifer Saunders) has stuck in my mind: he would ask always of his patient, “Tickety-boo, or not-so-pucker?”  So, I’m sorry to know that SF ‘was not T-B, was N-S-P’ last year.  I’m in favour of S Fry Esq being known, as he is, a National Treasure: if he did succeed in ‘giving his lifeline the chop’ then I would definitely miss his witty, erudite televisual and filmic presence…
  • As someone who has more-than-once attempted to self-euthanase, I feel I am in the position to have some take on the subject; as the titles of this post – and of my poem below – suggest, I neither encourage, condone nor deplore suicide.  I certainly root for euthanasia and wish that GB offered the like of the Swiss Dignitas service.
  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dignitas_(assisted_dying_organisation)
  • [On the subject of Swiss, I gained a disappointing ‘D’ in my French ‘A’ Level Oral exam due to the fact that my examiner got me talking about my other expectedly-low-achieving exam subject, Sociology.  Inappropriately – as well as unintelligibly, me thinks – I was asked something about (please read with French accent) ‘suicide’… I, however, having only muddle-studied Family & Kinship in East London, thought I was being asked about similar F&K in a Swiss conurbation community…  Life & Death move in surreally mysterious ways…]
    • Teule Suicide shop
    • Living with BiPd Level II, I learned recently that I am statistically more likely than those  with the more demonstative highs and lows of BiPD Level I to make attempt(s) to take my life; certainly I have lived with suicidal ideation for more than forty years since puberty (a fact that, paradoxically, gives clout to the Gender Clinic consultants of the reality of my A-gendered dysphoria as a Trans* Person…)
    • Quite coincidentally, I found in the city centre library last week a fabulously funny novelette;
    • translated from the French, by author Jean Teulé: The Suicide Shop (‘A gently comic fable’ – Financial Times; ‘A suicide shop that is full of life…’ – Le figaro).
    • I honestly don’t know if I’d have stomached reading it if I was in a low space, but presently it has me laugh-out-loud on the bus!  I highly recommend that you reserve at your local library or bookstore (as oppose to ordering online from some tax-dodge-corporation) this life-affirming read.
    • In Brighton, the Grassroots Suicide Prevention organisation tries to normalise this taboo subject as a means to lowering the high incidence in this urban-by-the-sea population.   So, I too, create(d) this post and poem as a taboo-breaking ‘let’s talk about suicide’ offering (the poem was written in the late ’90s).

http://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find_help.html

See also the Campaign Against Living Miserably – the CALM Zone

http://www.thecalmzone.net/stopsuicide/

 

Not Averse to Suicide

There’s some person all over-the-shop
who wants to give their lifeline the chop;
they think “Rat poison’s got clout,
but setting fire-to-self’s out,
and I don’t fancy the ten storey drop.

I could paint death’s bed a wrist-slash-red;
but trigger a sawn-off up at my head?
You can stuff anorexic!
The bleedin’ oven’s electric…
So, is it hair dryer in the bath instead?”

Goes way back, when this lover they’d greet:
they had let Death in the bridal suite.
“See, I’m married to Life,
but I’m not a true ‘wife’,
and a divorce looks right up my street.”

Yes, for them, life’s a role of the dice;
their mental states in skates on thin ice.
“Some S.A.D. day I could crack,
shoot a death-pull of smack…”
Yet there’s no joy in this gambler’s vice.

And the short overdose is the scare.
“It could leave me hangin’ in mid-air…
So is the noose-on-the-loose –
while I’ve still got some ‘juice?”
We hope/guess/doubt they’ll keep hangin’ on in there…

©  Luc(e) Raesmith